Table of Contents
Silicone Substitute
Masturbation is a delicate topic. Masturbation with sex toys is maybe even more sensitive. I mean, you’re inserting a fake phallus into your hoo-hah. So it takes little fantasy to see why people would consider this an act of cheating. You’re not having sex with a person of flesh and blood, but instead, one made out of silicone. And this fake friend is sometimes even better at pleasing you than your real life partner. So it’s understandable that some men feel threatened and accuse you of cheating out of spite. But is this warranted?
Masturbation is Sex with Yourself
First of all, what do we consider masturbation? Merriam-Webster describes it like this:
erotic stimulation especially of one’s own genital organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/masturbation
What I like about this definition, is that it is comprehensive. It’s not only stimulation by hand, but also by instruments and by sexual fantasies or all of these together. And yes, stimulation by sex toy definitely falls within this description.
So Many Reasons
Why do people masturbate? Is it because they’re dissatisfied with their partner? Are they looking to be unfaithful?
https://www.prevention.com/sex/g20434074/10-reasons-you-should-masturbate-when-youre-married/
There are many reasons why people masturbate, and it’s not just for sexual pleasure. People pleasure themselves to relax, to relieve pains in their body, because they’re bored because they can’t sleep, etc. etc. None of these reasons are reasons to be jealous of as a partner. You can’t and shouldn’t solve each other’s problems in all instances, so if this practice helps the other, why block it?
So is it Cheating?
Both the physical act and the reasons why have very little to do with being dissatisfied with your partner. But could it be considered a form of cheating?
Again, first the definition from the Merriam Webster Dictionary:
to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheat
So to see the silicone substitute as a threat, he must be seen as an artifice. Does that really count?
For this website, I masturbate a lot. My husband knows this and is okay with it. When I insert a plastic phallus into my vagina, I don’t imagine the toy as a handsome man making love to me. No matter how well constructed, it doesn’t feel the same. However, the vibrations of the toys make me feel good and send me into a more relaxed state for me to enter my own realm of fantasies. The same realm of fantasies I enter when I have sex with my husband.
In my opinion, pleasuring yourself with a sex toy or with your own hand is not the same as having a sexual relationship with another human being. There are no emotions involved, and the toy will never love you back. You do not lead your partner by deceit when you decide to enjoy your own company.
The Final Outcome
The act of masturbation with sex toys is not cheating. It may be beneficial for your relationship if it makes you more relaxed, sleep better and more self-aware.
In my household, both my husband and I masturbate apart from each other. I know he does, I know he watches sexual content online without me present, and I don’t mind. We both become irritable if we haven’t orgasmed in too long. So we masturbate, and that’s fine.
Our sex-life together is good, and we use sex toys in our play together too. And that’s also okay.
In our house, we don’t mind who uses what sex toys when and where, alone or together. We don’t see it as cheating and neither should you.